Are Colon Cleanses All The Rage?

Last summer, I was sitting at the salon getting my hair cut and colored. My stylist and I were talking about workouts and what not. Out of nowhere, this lady walks up to me and says, "I overheard you saying you are struggling to lose weight, and I want to share with you what I did. Cleansing is the way to go."

I look at her, and tell her I've seen and heard a lot about those products. I mean , I see e-mails daily that say, “Lose 10 pounds a week doing a cleanse!” Or, seeing that lovely infomercial when I can’t sleep at night about colon cleansing. And those colonic spas? Ewww. I really don’t need to know how healthy my crap is.

Back to the lady who craps for a living. She decided to give me her sales pitch. "I'm no longer a housewife.” (Why is this a bad thing?) I was a SIZE 12, a PORKER, and now I'm a 4." At this point, I wanted to say, "Honey, you don't look good, you look anorexic." Her face was severely sun damaged, and sunken in. How is that healthy? A size 12 is horrid? Holy crap, I would be happy as a peach as a size 12.

She just got back from Arizona from this product she's pushing. That's where the sun damage must have came from.

She has 74 clients, and everyone at the country club is asking her what did she do to lose the weight.

I decided to grill her. Here were my questions.
1. How often do you work out? "Ohh about 4 times a week, but I don't do weights, I just do the elliptical." Thought to self: That's at least a 500 calorie burn a day.
2. What do you eat? "The plan says 1 shake for breakfast, they want you to eat food for lunch, around 600 calories." I interrupt her, "Wait, you eat ONLY 600 calories aday?" She says, "NO, they want you to eat 600 calories total for lunch." Thought to self: BULL, and BULL you eat that much. "For dinner I have another shake." Thought to self again: That's the Slimfast plan. Give me a break.
3. What are the protein and sugar contents of the shakes? "Ohhhh really good." Thought to self: Way to know your product lady.
4. And how much is all of this? "About $250-300 a month." WHAT???! I could buy a new Louis Vuitton for 2 months worth of that stuff!

THE ABSOLUTE BEST PART? She does parties at home, AND you can eat chocolate! No! I told her that piece of chocolate that she was trying to give me would give me a migraine.

Then, she told me the products are all organic. Ummm wouldn't organic fruits and vegetables do the same thing? Clean you out and keep the harmful toxins out of your body? It gets better.
The protein in the shakes comes from... wait... NEW ZEALAND because they don't use hormones in any of their foods. Well then, if it comes from New Zealand, sign me up!

The woman who does my color is the manager of the salon. I love Lisa. She is about as down to earth as they get doing color day in and day out for women from The Bubble. As I was leaving the salon, I told her about the lady trying to sell me her crap-o-rama product. Her comment was priceless:

"I'll stick to Ivory, thanks."